In my Weight Watchers meetings, they often ask the question "what made you join Weight Watchers?" Sometimes it is referred to as you "Aha Moment." Well, I'll be honest. There wasn't anything that suddenly clicked and made me say "I'm going to do this." I'm sure that's not what people want to hear, but really, it's the truth.
I joined Weight Watchers with a friend. She had decided to do an "at work" meeting that was actually being held at the office across the street from ours where her friend work and she asked me if I wanted to go with her. I decided, sure, why not?
I've been overweight (obese) my entire life. I was never a skinny kid. I don't have clothes in the back of my closet that I used to fit in when I was 18, 20, 25. There are no "skinny clothes." I was always the fat kid, but honestly, I didn't hate myself or feel miserable. Well, almost never. I know there were times when people made not so nice comments about my weight, but that was just who I was. I didn't let it stop me from doing what I wanted to do...except that one time.
I was in junior high. Gym glass. All us fat girls just love gym class, don't we? My gym teacher was not my biggest fan. We were doing gymnastics and that day, it was the uneven bars. There was this one move that I really wanted to do. I was up on the bars and the teacher said "I don't know why you're even going to bother. It's not like you'll be able to do it anyway." I wish I could tell you that I said "I'll show you!" and I did it. But no. Instead, I got off the bars and said something along the lines of "fine, then I guess I won't do anything" and I spent the rest of the class sitting along the wall. BUT, there was some positive out of that. Several of the "popular girls" talked to me and told me how rude she was and that she wasn't right, that I should try it if I wanted to do it. I think the next time we had gym, I tried that move. I wasn't the most graceful, but I at least tried. I may have given up the first time, but I went back and tried again.
Anyway, that's about the only "fat girl" moment that sticks out in my mind. I'm not sure where much of my confidence comes from, but I'm glad that I have the attitude that other people's opinions of me will not determine who I am. Sure, I have insecure moments, plenty of them, but they don't rule my life.
As I said, I've always been heavy, fat, overweight...whatever you want to call it. I don't know what I weighed because for most of my life, I didn't own a scale. I just didn't want to know. When I'd go to the doctor, I wouldn't look and I wouldn't ask. Now...I pay attention. I still don't live or die by the numbers on the scale but I really do like seeing the number get smaller and I am really looking forward to getting below 200 again, and to that magic 185 that I've set as my May 1, 2014 goal...less than a year to go now. (And I'm a little excited at the possibility that I might even see that 185 before May 1, but I can't think about that now. One goal at a time.)
So while I do pay more attention to the numbers now, how I feel is even more important. I never let my weight get in the way of doing things that I really wanted to do. I never wanted to run, although I'm finding that it's really not so bad. And I enjoy excercise more than I thought I would. But I didn't hide away in the house because I was fat. I went out. I traveled. I walked a lot, even when I was a kid, but to me it wasn't exercise, it was just a way to get where I wanted to go.
Where am I going with my life story? I have no idea. Maybe I'm just saying that don't use your weight as an excuse not to do things. If you feel like it's getting in your way of doing the things you really want to do, then do something about it. I can't help you find your "Aha moment" because I don't even know what mine was. I just know that I said "sure" when someone asked me to go to Weight Watchers with them and I decided that maybe now was the time to lose some weight and to see what it was like to not be the "fat girl" anymore.
There is a saying: Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. My response to that has always been, well I don't know because I've never been thin, but I sure have tasted some really good food in my life. Maybe one of these days, I'll know how thin feels.
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